{"id":47530,"date":"2025-04-04T13:50:33","date_gmt":"2025-04-04T12:50:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/?page_id=47530"},"modified":"2025-06-04T14:25:44","modified_gmt":"2025-06-04T13:25:44","slug":"why-havent-they-told-me","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/why-havent-they-told-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Why haven&#8217;t they told me"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-page\" data-elementor-id=\"47530\" class=\"elementor elementor-47530\" data-elementor-post-type=\"page\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2dd2847 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"2dd2847\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a72e1fc elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a72e1fc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h1>Why haven&#8217;t they told <b>me?<\/b><\/h1>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a109936 elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"a109936\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e6f6b7c elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e6f6b7c\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h2>On this page:<\/h2>\n<ul>\n \t<li><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/why-havent-they-told-me\/#why\">Why isn&#8217;t she telling me what is happening?<\/a><\/li>\n \t<li><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/why-havent-they-told-me\/#whatcanido\">What can I do at this stage?<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2aa69fc elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"2aa69fc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e7be53a elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e7be53a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span data-contrast=\"none\">You may be in the position where you suspect (or know) that your friend, family member, neighbour, or colleague is experiencing domestic abuse, but the person is hiding the abuse.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">This can be confusing, frustrating, and worrying for you, but there are often really good reasons why a survivor does not tell people what is happening.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Every situation is different, but there are some common reasons why women do not disclose abuse (tell other people what is happening):<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ac217bc elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"ac217bc\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e530f74 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e530f74\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h2 id=\"why\">Why isn&#8217;t she telling me what is happening?<\/h2>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f45efbe elementor-widget elementor-widget-accordion\" data-id=\"f45efbe\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"accordion.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-accordion\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-accordion-item\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-tab-title-2561\" class=\"elementor-tab-title\" data-tab=\"1\" role=\"button\" aria-controls=\"elementor-tab-content-2561\" aria-expanded=\"false\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon elementor-accordion-icon-left\" aria-hidden=\"true\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon-closed\"><i class=\"fas fa-plus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon-opened\"><i class=\"fas fa-minus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-accordion-title\" tabindex=\"0\">She may not recognise her experiences as abuse\u00a0<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-tab-content-2561\" class=\"elementor-tab-content elementor-clearfix\" data-tab=\"1\" role=\"region\" aria-labelledby=\"elementor-tab-title-2561\"><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">People who are experiencing harmful behaviours from a partner or family member may not think of their experiences as\u202f<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/about-domestic-abuse\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">domestic abuse<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">. For some people, this can be because they have had previous relationships which have also been abusive, or because they have seen similar behaviours in the relationships around them, either as a child or as an adult. If this is the case, they may think that the abuse they are experiencing is a normal part of any relationship.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Another reason why survivors do not always think of their experiences as abuse, is because some abusers alternate between behaving well and behaving badly \u2013 this can trap a survivor into doubting themselves, worrying it\u2019s in their head, thinking that the person really does care about them, or that the person will eventually change. This can make it hard for a survivor to recognise the relationship as abusive.<\/span><\/p><p><em>\u201cHe said he won&#8217;t do it again and that he loves me. I think he does, it&#8217;s just the drink that makes him nasty\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p><p align=\"right\">(Survivor)<\/p><p>Also, abusers often blame survivors and tell them that the abuse is\u202f<em>their<\/em>\u202ffault. And sometimes an abuser will tell the person that the abuse is for the survivor\u2019s own benefit or protection. If these lies and blaming happen over a long period, it can be really hard for a survivor to trust their own sense of what is happening. Again, this makes it difficult for them to recognise that they are experiencing domestic abuse.<\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-accordion-item\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-tab-title-2562\" class=\"elementor-tab-title\" data-tab=\"2\" role=\"button\" aria-controls=\"elementor-tab-content-2562\" aria-expanded=\"false\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon elementor-accordion-icon-left\" aria-hidden=\"true\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon-closed\"><i class=\"fas fa-plus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon-opened\"><i class=\"fas fa-minus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-accordion-title\" tabindex=\"0\">She may be worried about telling you\u00a0<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-tab-content-2562\" class=\"elementor-tab-content elementor-clearfix\" data-tab=\"2\" role=\"region\" aria-labelledby=\"elementor-tab-title-2562\"><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Even if the person has recognised that they are experiencing domestic abuse, they may be worried about telling people, even people who care about them. Some of the common reasons for this are:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">Fear about what will happen if she tells people<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">The abuser may have threatened to harm the person, or other people, if they tell anyone about what is happening. It is common for abusers to threaten to kill, injure, or hurt survivors, or to damage their property, or share intimate images of them. It is also common for abusers to make threats about harming children, friends, family members, neighbours, colleagues, and pets. They may tell the survivor that she could lose her children through family courts or social services. Abusers will often utilise a survivor\u2019s insecure immigration status against them, telling them they\u2019ll be deported, or no-one will believe them. An abuser might threaten to \u201cout\u201d an LGBTQ+ survivor, or withhold medication or care from a disabled survivor.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">These threats can be very scary for people experiencing abuse, because they are often aware of the violence and abuse the person is capable of. Fear for safety\u202fis one of the main\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-stay\/#reasons\">reasons why people stay in a relationship while experiencing abuse<\/a>.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">Not wanting to worry other people or get them involved<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Some of the survivors we speak to, do not tell the people close to them about what is happening, because they do not want them to be anxious or worried.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">Embarrassment or shame about experiencing domestic abuse<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Many survivors feel embarrassed or ashamed that they have experienced domestic abuse. In spite of the changes in societal views about domestic abuse over the years, there is still a great deal of\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-stay\/#reasons\">stigma and shame<\/a>\u202fwhich remain.\u00a0 A survivor may also be concerned that people\u2019s opinions of them will change, and that they will be treated differently, if people know what has happened.\u202f<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p>Shame and stigma are also a key part of \u201chonour\u201d-based abuse, where there can be significant consequences if a family believes someone to be bringing dishonour or shame. Survivors may be shamed to maintain control and prevent them speaking out. You can learn more about \u201chonour\u201d-based abuse and how to support someone on <a href=\"https:\/\/karmanirvana.org.uk\/get-help\/someone-else\/\">Karma Nirvana\u2019s website<\/a>. You can call their <a href=\"https:\/\/karmanirvana.org.uk\/get-help\/helpline\/\">helpline<\/a> for emotional support and expert guidance to help you understand if someone you know may be experiencing this.<\/p><p><b><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">Worry about people\u2019s reactions<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">It can be difficult for a survivor to know how other people will react if they tell them about the abuse. It is common for an abuser to tell a survivor that no one will believe them, and the survivor may think that this is true. They may also worry that you will be cross with them for \u2018<\/span><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">putting up<\/span><\/i><span data-contrast=\"none\">\u2018 with the abuse, or that you will try to take over and make decisions for them.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Many survivors are also concerned that if they tell someone who cares about them, that this person will challenge or confront the abuser; harming the abuser, themselves, or making things worse for the survivor.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-accordion-item\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-tab-title-2563\" class=\"elementor-tab-title\" data-tab=\"3\" role=\"button\" aria-controls=\"elementor-tab-content-2563\" aria-expanded=\"false\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon elementor-accordion-icon-left\" aria-hidden=\"true\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon-closed\"><i class=\"fas fa-plus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-accordion-icon-opened\"><i class=\"fas fa-minus\"><\/i><\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-accordion-title\" tabindex=\"0\">She may not be ready to make any changes yet\u00a0<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<div id=\"elementor-tab-content-2563\" class=\"elementor-tab-content elementor-clearfix\" data-tab=\"3\" role=\"region\" aria-labelledby=\"elementor-tab-title-2563\"><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Even at the point where someone realises that they are experiencing domestic abuse, they may not be ready to take action. Some of the common reasons for this are:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">Love for the person who is being abusive<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Love\u202fis one of the hardest reasons for people outside of the relationship to understand. But survivors tell us that the love they felt for the abusive person does not just disappear because of the abuse. Many survivors are not ready to make changes in their relationship, because they\u202fhope\u202fthat the abuser will change or that the situation will get better.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">Feeling that they do not deserve to be treated well<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">After experiencing abuse for some time, a survivor\u2019s self-esteem and sense of self-worth can become so low that they do not feel that they deserve to be treated well. Some survivors are also worried about what they will lose by making changes, particularly if they feel that this is their only chance for a relationship or for a family.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">Feeling scared about making changes<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Making changes can be scary for lots of reasons. A survivor may be scared about how the abuser will react, and what they might do; scared about what other people might think; and also scared about what any changes will mean practically. For example, making the choice to leave or to end a relationship where abuse is taking place might mean: leaving home, going into a refuge, changing location, moving children to new schools, changing jobs, and coping with the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/the-price-of-safety\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">costs of fleeing<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">. These are big changes, which are difficult to make, especially if the abuse has reduced the survivor\u2019s self-esteem, confidence, and independence. Often this is after many years of isolation and economic abuse where an abuser might have prevented a survivor from working, controlled their bank account, and gotten them into debt. In our <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/the-cost-of-living\/\"><span data-contrast=\"none\">2022 survey<\/span><\/a><span data-contrast=\"none\">, two thirds of survivors (67%) told us they could not get \u00a3500 together if they needed to.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><b><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">Trying to get the timing right<\/span><\/i><\/b><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559739&quot;:240}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p><p><span data-contrast=\"none\">Sometimes there is a\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-decided-to-leave\/\">trigger to leaving<\/a> or ending a relationship with an abuser; when the person who is experiencing abuse decides to take immediate action. But it does not always happen like this. Sometimes people realise that they are experiencing abuse, and decide that they want to make changes, but plan to take action in more gradual ways.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-dc96eb0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"dc96eb0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>So, if you are thinking \u2018<em>why hasn\u2019t she told me what is happening?<\/em>\u2018 It may be that she has not recognised her experiences as abuse, it may be that she is worried about telling you, and it may be that she is not ready to make any changes yet. The survivor may also worry that telling someone about what is happening, will make the situation\u00a0<em>real,\u00a0<\/em>so that it is no longer hidden, even from themselves.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-4c78789 elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"4c78789\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d5a0cce elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"d5a0cce\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h2 id=\"whatcanido\">What can I do at this stage?<\/h2><p>Even if the person is not telling you what is happening, there are still useful things that you can do to help.<\/p><p>The first is about\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-can-i-offer-support\/\"><i>keeping the channels of communication open<\/i><\/a>\u202fbetween yourself and the survivor.\u00a0 If the abuser tries to stop your communication, you may need to be creative about staying in touch. For example, meeting the person when they go to the supermarket, or phoning them at work.<\/p><p>Asking gentle questions\u202fabout the relationship is important, but if you are worried that this is creating a distance between you, it\u2019s OK to talk about other things for a while. Changing your conversations to more general talk allows your relationship with the survivor to continue, without them feeling under pressure. You can always return to\u202fasking gentle questions\u202fabout their relationship another time.<\/p><p>The second thing you can do is to\u202f<i>prepare yourself in advance<\/i>. By\u202f<a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/what-is-domestic-abuse\/\">learning about domestic abuse<\/a>, and by finding out about the <a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/services-and-resources\/\">organisations you can\u202fsignpost\u202fthe survivor to<\/a>, you will be ready <a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-told-me-whats-happening\/\">when the person tells you what is happening<\/a>. You can also contact some of the\u202fspecialist organisations\u202fyourself to find out more about the support they offer.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-098b505 elementor-blockquote--skin-border elementor-blockquote--button-view-icon-text elementor-blockquote--button-skin-classic elementor-blockquote--button-color-official elementor-widget elementor-widget-blockquote\" data-id=\"098b505\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"blockquote.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<blockquote class=\"elementor-blockquote\">\n\t\t\t<p class=\"elementor-blockquote__content\">\n\t\t\t\t\"I really wasn\u2019t sure where to go with it, but I figured that she\u2019d tell me when she was ready\u2026 There were times when she\u2019d cancel seeing me, and I\u2019m sure it was because he\u2019d said, \u2018no\u2019. I started going to the park near her house with the kids, so that we\u2019d bump into each other. I also read up about domestic abuse to help me understand her situation more, and I found out about our local domestic abuse charity\u2026 I decided that the best way to be a mate was to stay in touch and to be ready for when she wanted to tell me\u2026\u201d\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-q-footer\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<cite class=\"elementor-blockquote__author\">Friend to a survivor<\/cite>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=%22I+really+wasn%E2%80%99t+sure+where+to+go+with+it%2C+but+I+figured+that+she%E2%80%99d+tell+me+when+she+was+ready%E2%80%A6+There+were+times+when+she%E2%80%99d+cancel+seeing+me%2C+and+I%E2%80%99m+sure+it+was+because+he%E2%80%99d+said%2C+%E2%80%98no%E2%80%99.+I+started+going+to+the+park+near+her+house+with+the+kids%2C+so+that+we%E2%80%99d+bump+into+each+other.+I+also+read+up+about+domestic+abuse+to+help+me+understand+her+situation+more%2C+and+I+found+out+about+our+local+domestic+abuse+charity%E2%80%A6+I+decided+that+the+best+way+to+be+a+mate+was+to+stay+in+touch+and+to+be+ready+for+when+she+wanted+to+tell+me%E2%80%A6%E2%80%9D+%E2%80%94+Friend+to+a+survivor&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwomensaid.org.uk%2Fwp-json%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fpages%2F47530\" class=\"elementor-blockquote__tweet-button\" target=\"_blank\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<i aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"fab fa-twitter\"><\/i>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-blockquote__tweet-label\">Tweet<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-aa131c4 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"aa131c4\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5384284 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"5384284\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6001a29 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"6001a29\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/how-can-i-offer-support\/\">&lt; Back<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0cac1be e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"0cac1be\" data-element_type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-63b4f04 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"63b4f04\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p align=\"right\"><a href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/theyve-told-me-whats-happening\/\">Next &gt;<\/a><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why haven&#8217;t they told me? On this page: Why isn&#8217;t she telling me what is happening? What can I do at this stage? You may be in the position where you suspect (or know) that your friend, family member, neighbour, or colleague is experiencing domestic abuse, but the person is hiding the abuse.\u00a0 This can [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":859,"featured_media":47721,"parent":47448,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"pmpro_default_level":"","inline_featured_image":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"no-sidebar","site-content-layout":"page-builder","ast-site-content-layout":"full-width-container","site-content-style":"unboxed","site-sidebar-style":"unboxed","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"disabled","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2081],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-47530","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-friends-and-family","pmpro-has-access"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why haven&#039;t they told me - Women\u2019s Aid<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/womensaid.org.uk\/information-support\/friends-and-family\/why-havent-they-told-me\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why haven&#039;t they told me - Women\u2019s Aid\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Why haven&#8217;t they told me? 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